23 Valuable Life Lessons for 2023
I always appreciate the beginning of a new year because it is essentially a clean slate. We can hit the restart button on everything, including:
- our problems from the previous year
- all the things we said we were going to get done and didn’t
- anything that’s caused us turmoil
At this point, it’s become a tradition of mine to list the valuable lessons I learned at the end of one year that I will take with me to the next year. If you are interested in seeing my lessons from 2022 and 2021, you can find them here:
Without further ado, let’s get started!
1) Love is a choice
The concept of love always confused me.
- How do you know when you are in love?
- What makes you love somebody?
- Once you love somebody, can you stop?
- Is it possible to think you love somebody, but you don’t? Why?
- And so, so many more questions that ran through my mind concerning love…
However, after being in a loving and (my most) healthy relationship for all of 2022, I’ve been able to do a lot of reflecting on what love truly is. And I’ve come to a probably unsexy conclusion about it…
Love is a choice.
Just like I realized happiness is a choice, so is love. Your actions determine if love lives on or if it ends.
While I do think there are many things that can lead to love, ultimately staying in love is a decision we all make every day. So, every choice you make is for or against love.
“Real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling – it’s a deliberate choice – a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health.” -Seth Adam Smith
2) Every conversation is an opportunity to learn
You never know what you will discover when you give somebody your undivided attention and approach each conversation with a learner’s mentality.
How often when having a conversation with someone do we half-heartedly listen to what they are saying because we are too busy waiting for them to finish so we can speak?
Even if somebody is discussing a topic you think you know very well, there is still an opportunity to learn. They may mention something you didn’t know from a perspective you never thought about before.
“Part of my own personal growth has involved deciding that I can learn something from even the most annoying person.” -Oscar Auliq-Ice
3) Someone else’s actions shouldn’t determine yours
Don’t fight fire with fire. If someone does something wrong to you, it does not give you the excuse to do something wrong back.
This doesn’t only apply to “bad” people. A good friend might cancel plans last minute. There is no need to be revengeful and purposely cancel plans on them the next time. Or if you are fighting with your significant other and they say something hurtful, that doesn’t give you the excuse to say something hurtful back.
We can all be the bigger person. Don’t let someone else’s actions bring you down to their level.
“Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.” -Martin Luther King, Jr.
4) Aim for flexibility in life
People love money, right? Well, not really. They love the flexibility that money can provide them.
More money = less worry + more options
If there is one thing the pandemic taught us, and the quote-on-quote end of the pandemic has made me realize, it’s that flexibility is one the most important treasures of life.
Not just the flexibility of working from anywhere in the world, but being flexible in all aspects of life. To go with the flow more.
More flexibility typically results in less stress, more freedom, and a more enjoyable overall life.
“Be stubborn on vision but flexible on details.” -Jeff Bezos
5) Money doesn’t define you
Speaking of money, it does not define who you are. We have all met people who flash around their money and the possessions they own because of that money. They are letting money define them.
The problem with letting materialistic things define you is that you can easily lose it all tomorrow. And what if you did? You are going to have a real identity crisis.
Again, money is great to have for the flexibility it offers. But define yourself from your morals, ethics, actions, and hobbies. Not from your bank account.
“Money doesn’t make you laugh when you’re lonely.” -Roxanne St. Claire
6) You will never be perfect, but you can always improve
This is really the point of my entire website. Still, it is important enough that it is worth the constant reminder.
Self-improvement is a never-ending journey. There is no final destination. You cannot “complete” it. But you can always strive to be the best version of yourself every day, and that is pretty awesome.
“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.” -Mark Twain
7) Being healthy feels great
Both mentally and physically. Taking time for self-care is extremely important for mental health. Having days of rest, meditating, and other self-care tactics are crucial to avoid burnout and falling into unhealthy habits or coping mechanisms.
Taking care of your body is extremely important as well. While the past few years I’ve really focused on my mental health and forming great habits around that, this year I made sure to prioritize my physical health as well. I lost 30 lbs, am working out consistently, rarely drink, and am in the best shape of my life. Not only do I look great, but I also feel great!
Make sure to prioritize both. Starting may be difficult but you will feel 100x better once you do.
“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live in.” -Jim Rohn
8) It is ok to “quit”
I hate to call it quitting because in my mind that’s not what it is. I’m talking about leaving something that no longer serves you.
What was important to you a few months ago may no longer feel that way. Don’t stick something out that has no benefit to you anymore just because you don’t want to be labeled as a “quitter.”
It’s not quitting, it’s adjusting goals and priorities.
“Success does not lie in sticking to things. It lies in picking the right thing to stick to and quitting the rest.” -Annie Duke
9) It’s never too late for a fresh start
Seriously. It doesn’t matter if you’re 7, 17, or 77. It’s never too late to try something new or start over.
“Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow.” -Stephen King
10) Physical violence is not the answer
Outside of self-defense as a last resort, there is no good reason to get physically violent with someone.
You may feel that someone deserves a good punch in the face, but that is not your job.
Let karma serve them.
“I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.” -Mahatma Gandhi
11) Seek out social interactions
This has been a strange year for me. I’ve admittedly been a bit of a hermit crab this year, by choice.
Doing so lined up with my personal goals so I don’t regret it – but it did make me realize how much I miss and enjoy social interaction, even as an introvert.
Find ways to be more social, it will make you happier. You can:
- Use Meetup or local Facebook groups to find people with similar interests.
- Talk to strangers until they become friends.
- Reach out to friends you haven’t seen in a long time.
- Plan events to see friends more often.
“Humans are social beings, and we are happier, and better, when connected to others.” -Paul Bloom
12) Living with a partner requires sacrifice
It will mess up your routine in the beginning. You will have a certain way of doing things that she does differently. It will take a while to sync up.
Once you start to figure it out though – it can be great. You always have your best friend by your side, you get to wake up together, you get to help each other and make each other’s life easier.
Just make sure you are prepared!
“You can sacrifice and not love. But you cannot love and not sacrifice.” -Kris Vallotton
13) Some lessons you need to learn multiple times
I do not go back to read previous year’s lessons when putting together my 2023 list. This is on purpose, as I want my lessons to be authentic. This means it is totally possible some lessons might be repeated from previous years.
Some lessons I forget; some need constant reminders to apply. Re-learning lessons helps you remember them.
“Life is such a great teacher that when you don’t learn a lesson, life will repeat it.” -Anonymous
14) There is a universal language
There is a language that everybody in this world speaks.
It’s how you can communicate with somebody who doesn’t speak a lick of English.
Our body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, and tone of voice give off so much more than our words do. And this is coming from somebody who loves words and writing.
The universal language goes even deeper than that though. It is spoken from the soul.
When you realize there is a universal language in this world that flows through all of us, it’s a very empowering and uniting feeling.
“The universal language is not texted, email, or spoken. It is felt.” -Angela Ahrendts
15) Nobody wants to feel wrong or dumb
Two good rules to live by when having conversations:
- Don’t make the person feel like they are wrong
- Don’t make the person feel like they are dumb
Pretty simple, right? Well, easier said than done.
Try to word things in a way that shows appreciation and finds common ground. This is how you will get people to be more agreeable and like you. Not by calling them out or (un)intentionally belittling them.
“When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures bristling with prejudice and motivated by pride and vanity.” -Dale Carnegie
16) The small things matter
Writing 200 words a day isn’t sexy. It wouldn’t make headline news and you wouldn’t brag about it. But after one year, you’d have strung together enough words to have an all-time best-selling book.
The small decisions that you make every day end up defining your life in a big way.
“Small, Smart Choices + Consistency + Time = RADICAL DIFFERENCE.” -Darren Hardy
17) Trust is delicate
Trust is hard to get but easy to break. Make sure when somebody gives you their trust you take good care of it. Once you break it, it’s not very easy to glue it back together. And even if you do, it’ll never be exactly the same.
“Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it’s broken, but you can still see the crack.” -Lady Gaga
18) If something is important to you, you will make time for it
If it’s not, you won’t!
It’s really that simple.
It’s easy to make excuses that we don’t have time to work out, or we don’t have time to write that book. But if you decide it is a PRIORITY, you will make time for it.
Life is all about prioritizing what is important to us and putting our energy and focus into those things. The things we don’t do, simply aren’t as important to us.
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” -Stephen Covey
19) Goals require sacrifices
This year, I decided to get into the best shape of my life. Not only did I want to get into fantastic shape, I decided I wanted six-pack abs. Anyone who knows even a little bit about working out knows this is not easy. It takes a lot of strict dieting, discipline, and willpower.
In my quest for this goal, I made A LOT of sacrifices. I sacrificed enjoyable and tasty (yet unhealthy) foods. I sacrificed drinking; going out with friends; saying yes to social events. The list goes on.
Depending specifically on what you want, you will know what the sacrifices will be. You must decide if the sacrifices are worth it or not. But if you really want it, they probably are.
“Great achievement is usually born of great sacrifice.” -Napoleon Hill
20) Not everyone is like you
It’s easy to think that because we do something a certain way, everyone would or should do it that way as well. But that’s not true.
Not everyone thinks the same way as you.
Not everyone acts the same way as you.
Others may not have the same discipline you do. Or maybe they’re not as ambitious, helpful, and tolerant as you are.
And that’s totally fine. If we expect everyone to be like us, we will get frustrated. But when we learn to appreciate somebody’s differences and learn from said differences, we will be much happier and more accepting.
“Not everyone thinks the way you think, knows the things you know, believes the things your believe, nor acts the way you would act. Remember this and you will go a long way in getting along with people.” -Arthur Forman
21) Preparation is key
Nobody has ever blamed their failure on being overprepared.
If you take the time to properly prepare for something beforehand, it makes the actual task much, much easier.
For example, I decided that I want to start waking up at 5 am. I’ve never been a “morning person” before, so I knew it would be challenging.
I did a lot of preparation beforehand so that I would not fail and hit the snooze button once 5 am rolled around.
Before beginning, I planned out my entire morning routine so that I would not have to think and make choices in the morning because this causes friction.
Then, I planned out my entire night routine so that everything I needed in the morning would be easily accessible and prepared.
I created a google sheet for each day of the week for my routines (gym days vs. non-gym days), so that I could just read off the list and do everything in the allocated time.
It’s almost embarrassing to admit how much I prepared for simply waking up a few hours earlier consistently. But, I haven’t missed a day yet and it’s all thanks to my preparation.
“Success depends upon previous preparation, and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.” -Confucius
22) Discipline is a life hack
What is the key to success? One of my most popular posts is How to Become the Greatest of All Time where I talk about 3 main criteria: Starting, Consistency, and Persistence.
The truth is, none of that is possible without discipline.
You need discipline to be consistent. You certainly need discipline to be persistent when things get tough.
If you can form the skill of discipline in life, you have found a superpower.
“Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” –Abraham Lincoln
23) Smell the roses
Finally, enjoy life.
Use your PTO to take a vacation from work, without checking emails. Have that “cheat” meal (it’s not really cheating). Go out with your friend when they spontaneously invite you.
Admittedly, I’m still trying to take my own advice on many of these. But I do wake up every day and take a moment to appreciate how beautiful life truly is. From nature, to loved ones, to the smell of my coffee in the morning.
And if you take nothing else from this list, I hope you do the same. Appreciate the beauty of life, each and every day.
“Lighten up. Just enjoy life. Smile more, laugh more, and don’t get so worked up about things.” -Kenneth Branagh
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What’s a valuable life lesson you learned this year? Is there anything on the list you agree or disagree with? Let me know in the comments or directly at eric@ericgolban.com!
Best,
Eric
